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Thursday, January 19, 2006

Being good

I was reading last night, and there was a passage about an interaction between a psychologist and a patient. I know I'll never be quite at that level, but I'll do some type of therapy in my work. And I had this thought: "I'm going to be good." I'm going to be a good good social worker.

It was exciting to think about. I've never been good at things I want to be good at. I've never cared enough about the things I'm good at to work hard before. It's so exciting to actually want to work hard at something. It feels a little bit like freedom.

And because of those thoughts, it dawned on me that I'm pretty ok at my job right now. I've been so frustrated lately. Not the same as the burnout I felt before Christmas--more like despair that I wasn't doing enough, didn't know enough, to really help my clients. It occurred to me (as it does every now and then) that caring as much as I do is almost enough. I slept better than I have in a few weeks last night, once I figured that out.


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