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Tuesday, December 20, 2005


So it continues to get easier. Whether that means I am more comfortable and confident with myself, or with the people Tim works with, I don't know.

It helps a lot that he always says how much they already like me. That could be from all the treats I've made for parties and tech rehearsals (I guess people like you lots if you feed them good food?), or by association with Tim (people always love him, so I get the benefit of the doubt).

What really bothers me, though, is when he says how his friends always talk about wanting to get to know me, and how they're disappointed if I don't go to parties, or leave early. I make an effort. I do socialize as much as my schedule allows. But it's not my responsibility that they get to know me. If they want to get to know me, they need to come to me and strike up a conversation. Because that's what I do when I want to get to know someone. I feel like I'm doing as much as I can to offer them a glimpse of me and who I am.

I would like for someone to show me they want to get to know me by actually talking to me. I automatically assume that if someone doesn't make an effort, they're not interested in me. I don't think I'm the only one who feels that way.

So that arguing point gets used frequently, and Tim says it's more than striking up a conversation. It's being there, hanging out, in the group, vibing (ha) and stuff. But I don't really understand how people would get to know me that way. In big groups, particularly ones discussing theatre things ad nauseum, I don't say much. Someone needs to be the listener, so that's me. I don't mind that, but if anyone thinks they know me after that, they're mistaken.

He always says I appear intimidating. My shyness, and people thinking that I'm some kind of holy saint for the work I do (which also annoys me). I'm not going to lie, I prefer "intimidating" to "shy."

So when did that word/personality trait become such an incredibly negative thing?


Blogger Lesley said...

It's funny, but I often get the tag of "serious" -- that's what some people have called me, and it might be similar to your "intimidating" title. Regardless, I don't get it -- I wonder, do I look like some school librarian or something? What's the deal? When I was at a seminar this summer, I was the one who felt intimidated by my super-smart classmates. Then, hanging out at a bar later, dancing to whatever country song du jour was blasting, they told me how surprised they were at me -- they said they thought I was too "serious", always in my room reading. So, were they then intimidated by me, and why? I still don't fully understand it.

And I'm learning more about the "vibe" aspect of conversations -- sometimes it is just about going with the flow and waiting for the conversation to come. That can be fun sometimes, with the right group. It doesn't always work however. I'm like you -- being social continues to get easier. :)

10:26 AM  

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