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Monday, January 02, 2006

My future

Freaking out.

The overly hopeful wish of a week and a half ago has not yet come to pass, for tracking still only says "Status: Acceptance. Your item was accepted at 2:50 pm on December 23, 2005, in Alabama"

I know that the mail is slow during the holidays, but I sent it Priority Mail. I asked the mail clerk how much slower than usual the mail was running, and she said PM was mailing like usual. So it should have arrived at the latest on Tuesday, Dec. 27. The school was closed between Christmas and New Year's, so I expected that it would not actually be in the hands of someone important by then, but I believed at least the tracking would have said something like "Arrived in Chicago," when it hit the general post office.

I didn't insure it--probably stupid--but how can you put a monetary value on letters of reference, and a printout of your resume and future hopes and wishes? I even forgot (after quadruple-checking the package) to include the $50 application fee, so it's not like I'm losing that.

I suppose I'm so freaked out because this is it. UIC is the only school I'm applying to--against most everyone's recommendations. Everyone says I need a backup school, just in case, but, as much as I adore the Loyola program, it's not exactly feasible as a backup school. It wouldn't matter if UIC turned me down and Loyola accepted me. I still couldn't afford to go. I suppose, god forbid I don't get accepted, I'd try to find some sort of meaningful job, and apply again in a year. (Surely they wouldn't turn me down three times when I'm so obviously a motivated individual.)

(They didn't exactly turn me down the first time. I applied medium late and was accepted to their waiting list.)

Anyway, while most people think applying to only one school is a dangerous road, a friend who makes $75K a year but is paying $900 a month for the next 30 years of her life just for her law degree supported me when I told her my reasons. (And #2 being, if I am not able to go to the school no matter what, we can't afford the $50 application fee.)

But it does still up the stress level. And it's only worse wondering now if the application is lost in the mail. Having to redo the paperwork is not a big deal. Losing time by redoing it is. The priority deadline was today. I won't get cut if they don't receive it, it just means other people might get ahead of me in the assessment process, so I'm worried they'd fill up their allotment of acceptances before they find me.

I want to go to this school so badly it hurts. For a while, I was just making myself fit, because I couldn't justify spending so much more money at Loyola even though I really did like their program better, but after talking to the director of admissions/financial aid, I am positively salivating over the UIC program, and am sold on it.

So. At least 6 weeks more of stressing out, wondering if they think I'm good enough. (How could they not? But still. There's always doubt.)


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