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Tuesday, November 29, 2005


Thinking about the occurrences I wrote about in the previous entry. Of someone becoming unhinged and delving into the illegal behavior of phone harrassment. Proving that no one but herself was responsible for her termination.

Is it just me, or would you also try to maintain as much dignity as possible in that situation? I've only been fired once (rather apologetically, after the second time I forgot to go to an infrequent afternoon of art modeling) so most of my experiences with dignity come from relationships.

In the shards of the end, if the breakups were not at my prompting, no matter how upset I was, the guys would rarely see the effects of it. Sure I'd cry during our discussion. Who wouldn't? But afterward, the bulk of my grieving would be done in private.

Maybe I have control issues (maybe? HA.), but I didn't see the point of letting someone know how much he had gotten to me.

For the most part. There was once when, at a friend's suggestion, I did talk to an ex about my feelings. I didn't know what I wanted out of the conversation, but after I told him I missed him, the words took wing, and that seemed to be enough. I didn't want him back. But he was a good, kind fellow, and I knew he wouldn't use my words against me. The words just needed to be out there.

So maybe my opinions on dignity are borne of a fear of losing control, of giving someone the upper edge. And perhaps a concern of how others view me. I don't care. I still think maintaining dignity is important.


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