Advocating

Something happened at work recently that made me really uncomfortable. I may be hopeless when it comes to reading other people, but when it comes to myself, there's no question. My stomach tells me, with a tight fist of tension sinking to its bottom, when something's not right.

I second guess myself a lot, though. Sometimes I think my ability to look at a situation from 360 degrees is a strength--that seeing all perspectives is a positive, empathetic skill, but sometimes it renders me incapable of making a firm, swift decision.

Therefore, in the heat of the moment, I am never able to stand up and say, "No. I think this is wrong. I disagree." I think, "This feels wrong, but I can understand why it could be right. Moderately right." It takes me awhile to figure things out.

Last night, I went home and felt uneasy, and thought about it all night. I woke up the next morning certain of how I needed to address the situation with my boss.

This is a big step for me. Before this job, I never had the courage to confront things. I don't know if I necessarily have it completely together now, but I try. I can't figure out if this is a change within myself, or a result of being comfortable with my job and co-workers. I'm not a new and improved individual, though. On a scale of 1-10 of being as assertive as I need to be, I'm probably still at a 4.

In the end, though, I spoke my mind, and advocated for a client, and I succeeded. I'm learning I am capable of fighting tooth and nail when it comes to sticking up for my clients, and maybe this will teach me how to do it for myself, too.