Happy cats make for happy homes

adolescence Alabama beliefs blogging calm change Chicago crisis crushes dreams family fear flint hills food friends happiness health being a hippie holiday home internship kids loss love magic memories money music parties perfection plants projects relationships relaxation reminiscing ritual school social work issues spirits sports stress style the South violence weather weather worries writing



Go now. Go.

There’s something about Sunday night
that really makes you want to kill yourself
Subscribe to this blog
for e-mail updates

Friday, November 18, 2005


I feel myself slipping again.

Becoming unmoored.

Untethered to life around me.

I feel like I'm sinking slowly to the bottom of a swimming pool, releasing all my air to sink further. Down there everything is calm and still, and a buffer from the noise above. I can only hear the murky silence of water.

It's quiet, but unnerving. I can't get my mind to focus on anything. It's blurring at the edges. I grasp and I grasp, but my brain is full of smoke and nothing substantial.

Just drifting.

I sometimes attribute it to not using my brain as much as I used to. Specifically, reading. I don't do it as much anymore because I don't have a train commute, or as much time to devote to it. I finally picked up a book a few months ago, and the static in my brain smoothed down. I thought, "I am home." And I never wanted to lay the book back down.

But the books are now also contributing to my sinking, my daze. I emerge from a lunch break spent in story, and I can't fully return to my life. I can't enter and leave the stories the way I used to.


Blogger Jen said...

You're just entering a transition and the uncertain bits are dancing around you, distracting you from the now.

2:35 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger.
Get awesome blog templates like this one from BlogSkins.com