Denial

This evening, I had an insane craving for some sort of dessert. I generally only crave sweets when I have PMS. I don't believe in making that week any harder than it already is, so I always indulge whatever. I am anti-denial in a serious way.

While, say, I know I'd regret it hugely afterwards if I ate an entire carton of chocolate ice cream, I also know that I tend to only want one bowl, and I think it would be ridiculous to not give myself one bowl when it is tremendously satisfying and delicious.

But I've also always been able to eat whatever I wanted. I was blessed with good genes and an even better metabolism. And then I turned 27. Was it the age? Was it starting a new birth control? Was it that falling in love triggered some hormone that helped add twenty pounds? Suddenly--not suddenly. I've been unhappy with it for a while.--I hate the roll of fat that covers my previously flat stomach. (I'll admit it. I was vain about my flat stomach that I had through no talent or effort of my own.)

I guess it helps that Tim is only more appreciative the more I turn into a woman instead of the poky, boney girl he met. He recently admitted he had thought I was too skinny at first.

But still. This means if I am unhappy with it, I better do something about it.

Tonight when I considered getting a blended Coke float at Sonic, I thought about its deliciousness in my mouth, and then I thought, "I haven't gone walking in the park in a few days. I'll do that, then if I still want one, I'll go." I was tricking myself. What? I secretly remembered that exercise usually curbs any junk food/sugar craving.

It's weird. I don't want one anymore; I knew I wouldn't. But I'm not sure who this person is that decided to exercise instead getting Sonic. I hope this continues. I signed up for a tennis clinic at the gym Tim started teaching Pilates. And they have a pool!