Routine and more flip flops

Routine is so soothing. I love my Sunday nights with Desperate Houswives and Grey's Anatomy, and preparing my lunch for the next day. Setting out my clothes for the next day (strange how five minutes the night before seems to save half an hour the next morning), and getting into bed to read and cuddle the cats before turning out the lights.

Sometimes I wonder if routine just masks the fact that I feel pretty lonely right now. I've noticed I've been doing a lot of reminiscing, daydreaming about Chicago, college, even high school. I think I've been so sad about the person I am today that I have to remind myself that it's just a phase, a cycle of depression that I'll get through. And that I was once a dynamic, fun person, and I can be that again.

It's hard to think about making friends when I'm someone right now that I wouldn't want to be friends with. I hate the low self-esteem, the distorted view I have every time I look in the mirror. I think I hate it so much more because I know this isn't me. I've been a confident, beautiful, fun person, and it's not really me to be a hater.

On a happier note, though, I bought some Teva flip flops this weekend that aren't very uncomfortable, and I got all excited because I finally felt like A Real Girl. It seems so insignificant when I talk about it, but it's killed me my whole life that I have feet problems and can't wear cute shoes like every other woman. I don't need stilettos or thigh high boots. I just need to wear sandals in the summer with my cute skirts and shorts instead of tennis shoes and athletic socks.