Happy cats make for happy homes

adolescence Alabama beliefs blogging calm change Chicago crisis crushes dreams family fear flint hills food friends happiness health being a hippie holiday home internship kids loss love magic memories money music parties perfection plants projects relationships relaxation reminiscing ritual school social work issues spirits sports stress style the South violence weather weather worries writing



Go now. Go.

There’s something about Sunday night
that really makes you want to kill yourself
Subscribe to this blog
for e-mail updates

Monday, April 25, 2005

Routine and more flip flops

Routine is so soothing. I love my Sunday nights with Desperate Houswives and Grey's Anatomy, and preparing my lunch for the next day. Setting out my clothes for the next day (strange how five minutes the night before seems to save half an hour the next morning), and getting into bed to read and cuddle the cats before turning out the lights.

Sometimes I wonder if routine just masks the fact that I feel pretty lonely right now. I've noticed I've been doing a lot of reminiscing, daydreaming about Chicago, college, even high school. I think I've been so sad about the person I am today that I have to remind myself that it's just a phase, a cycle of depression that I'll get through. And that I was once a dynamic, fun person, and I can be that again.

It's hard to think about making friends when I'm someone right now that I wouldn't want to be friends with. I hate the low self-esteem, the distorted view I have every time I look in the mirror. I think I hate it so much more because I know this isn't me. I've been a confident, beautiful, fun person, and it's not really me to be a hater.

On a happier note, though, I bought some Teva flip flops this weekend that aren't very uncomfortable, and I got all excited because I finally felt like A Real Girl. It seems so insignificant when I talk about it, but it's killed me my whole life that I have feet problems and can't wear cute shoes like every other woman. I don't need stilettos or thigh high boots. I just need to wear sandals in the summer with my cute skirts and shorts instead of tennis shoes and athletic socks.


Blogger Sarah said...

LE, I relate to so much of this post. In fact, the third paragraph is pretty much exactly why I procrastinated meeting you when you were still in Chicago.

You've always come across to me as confident, beautiful, and fun.

6:30 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger.
Get awesome blog templates like this one from BlogSkins.com