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There’s something about Sunday night
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Tuesday, April 05, 2005

I can't sleep

I can't sleep. I am dreading going to work tomorrow and having people find out that I dropped the ball for one of my clients. I don't dread people finding out as much as I dread the fall-out of me not taking care of something that I should have. That it will screw over my client when it was really my fault. Nothing will happen to me. My boss might be displeased for a little while, but I would deserve it, and can deal.

But I have an excuse. My head has been going a mile a minute in the past few days, trying to figure out how to best serve someone who is mentally retarded and incapable of monitoring her health. Spending hours on the phone with different agencies, most of whom say (between the double talk), "we can't help her; she's your problem now," and hours sitting at the doctor's office, waiting on blood tests and glucose monitors; she's all I've been able to think about lately. To the point where I am starting to feel anxious about being online at home right now, in case the night manager is trying to reach me to tell me the client is sick again.

And yet . . . it's not a good excuse. I routinely have up to five people I'm working with at once. It's part of my job to juggle them all.

Oh to be an editor still. To have my worst worry be that I let a mispelling slip into print, or a journal sent late to the printer. I did a freelance job for the old department last weekend, and I remembered all the parts about the job that I loved (not the parts that I hated). I am a little sad to have editing be only in my past. I sometimes wish I could meet with clients four days a week, and the fifth, run the production department, knocking out brochures, flyers, the Web site.

Working with people--the part I wanted when I was stuck in a quiet office editing all day--can be so overwhelming sometimes.


Blogger Meg said...

Oh, Ellie. I am sorry you feel so bad. You are doing such a wonderful, important job and sometimes it's hard to learn that you are human, too.

5:57 PM  
Blogger metrogeekboy said...

You were an editor! (suddenly feeling quiet, er, quite self-conscious.

Anyway, every red cape get's a snare in it super-pal. Good friends and your life-long love boy will help you sow it up. I wish there was more help for the dear woman with health problems. She might not be able to say it, so thanks for looking after her. Thanks.

9:07 PM  

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