Vocation

I was discussing my work history with my psychologist this week. She was surprised to learn in my former career, I was an editor, because it's such a vast departure from social work. But in her reaction, and some of her comments, I felt like she thought I was much more suited to editing than social work. That bothered me.

She asked if my job right now was a vocation or a job. I think that's a pretty stupid question. I'm not sure why anyone would work in domestic violence for the paycheck.

So it is a vocation. I didn't need to explain to her what sheer joy it brings me, being able to give a woman help and safety, and hope. She understands. It's probably part of what she loves about her job.

But what if I am thoroughly unsuitable for the work? What if it turns out I really really suck at my vocation? Is it possible to suck at your vocation?

If that's true, am I deluding myself? Should I go back to editing, because order and definite right and wrong (I know that comma goes here; I know this should be capitalized.) makes me happy? Sitting at a desk for more than an hour reading boring articles made me homicidal. No matter how many mistakes I was able to find.

In the end, I think my psychologist just can't figure me out, and she's nonplussed, because she usually can pigeon-hole people pretty quickly. She said she sees me working one job and volunteering at a wildly different one. Big fat duh. But I think her impression of my different interests is that I haven't settled on a particular path in life, and that's the part that mostly bothers me.

I see my future as wide open because I don't limit myself. (I even have Librarian on the back burner for a mid-life career.) And I don't see that as a bad thing.