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Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Feeling old

In the course of catching up with Bob, I found out a formerly close friend of mine had gotten married, that one couple I'd always looked up to (relationship-wise) was divorcing, and that another couple was plagued by the husband's drug use and fondness for high class hookers (a particularly devastating betrayal, as the wife is a social worker who works with prostitutes).

I'm just getting used to the idea that I am old enough to have a lot of married friends--I barely feel old enough to be married myself but the life is growing on me. It's hard to comprehend that now some of those marriages are failing.

I think what is hard for me is that both relationships I really did look up to and respect (from an observer's perspective). For the husband with the taste for call girls, I remember how softly he'd look at his wife, like she was a precious jewel he couldn't take his eyes from. At that time, I didn't have anyone looking at me like that, and I longed for it. The other couple, they seemed so in tune with each other. At the time, I didn't see the side of that husband others have told me was verbally abusive.

It's also hard to look up to (and in some ways try to emulate) relationships only to figure out later how wrong they really were. I want to believe anyone/anything I look up to is worth looking up to.


Blogger joolz said...

I often marvel at how quickly life has gone by. I feel like the opposite of you: I don't have a lot of friends who are married, but I do have some who are divorced, and it's such a strange notion for me to wrap my head around.

It's strange to know that there's a back room to every relationship where only the couple is allowed, isn't it? I don't think that it's wrong, simply that we can only look up to what they put out.

5:38 PM  

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