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Monday, January 08, 2007


There are things I believe. Things I don't. And a lot of things I don't have the energy to determine whether or not I believe them.

I don't feel comfortable enough to articulate that I don't believe in God. I definitely don't have any certainty that I don't.

Tim's old boss, Witch Doctor Bob (a naturopath, actually) does things that can never be explained. A lot of his remedies don't work on me, because I don't believe in them.

Being so skeptical, though, doesn't account for me believing in Tim's magic. I can't explain it. I just do. To put it into words sounds ridiculous. Like how our bedroom had an off-putting vibe--I never wanted to spend time there--so I asked him to do some magic in there. Now I am drawn to spend time there.

He says a lot of what is called magic has to do with energy. At my old job in Alabama, I encountered a client who threw more venom at me than I'd ever experienced in my entire life. Just the sight of her would put me in major crisis mode, and every interaction with her would sap me of my strength. I put a lot of effort into deciding how I needed to handle her, and things I could say to attempt to take a stand against her taking such supreme advantage of me. Tim told me of a spell to try.

I was, of course, skeptical, but since I didn't have anything to lose by that point, I tried it. He told me to envision a shield in front of me, to spend time fully fleshing out what I imagined it to look like. Then when I went to work, think about holding it. The next day, I was ambushed in my office by this client. I didn't know she would be showing up at that particular time, so I didn't have a chance to think again about my shield.

But this time things were different. Instead of glaring across the desk at me, waves of hatred emanating from her body, she behaved more reasonably. Not like I was her favorite person in the world, but like she could finally tolerate my presence and perhaps respect that I could help her.

Of course, logically I thought something had happened on her end. Maybe she finally decided it took too much effort being so hateful. But I decided not to discount what I had done. My own magic. I think if I acknowledge it and believe in it, then it must have some power.



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