Still dreaming

Still dreaming. I had another one last night, after nearly a year. This time we were both students at Emporia. I was sharing a dorm room with him and some other guy, sleeping on the floor so I could save money. I was trying to be cool, a friend, and then he told me he was dating Jen, who was a single mom in the dream. What did she have that I didn't? (I think my justification for being jealous was that she doesn't have any many piercings as I do--though now awake, I don't know if that's true).

Still trying to be cool, and wait it out, we walked to the cafeteria, and ran into Gabe on the way, who I knew I could date in an instant if I just said the word. But I knew it was poor form to hook up with the cousin of your crush, and besides, maybe Jen was a passing fancy.

And then I woke up, and was still actively jealous of Jen for a few moments until I remembered the real world.

Good in crisis

I'm sick right now. Open my mouth to breathe and I cough up (painfully) a lung. I missed a day of class and internship this week, but I couldn't call in sick to work. Not only is it hard to find a last-minute replacement for an overnight shift, but I make a little over a hundred dollars per night, and we can't afford to lose that.

So I dragged myself there, tossing and turning all night. Luckily it was quiet. Until the morning. One of the ladies was in a bad way, dizzy, disoriented, couldn't stand up. I watched her slide to the floor and bang her head against a table before I knew what was going on. She said it was because she hadn't taken her medicine, but then her meds didn't seem to help. Maybe it was because she hadn't been to her methadone clinic in two days. But also, she was losing feeling on the right side of her body. Another woman and I helped drag her to the bathroom to pee, and dressed her, then I called for an ambulance. When the paramedics arrived, I gave them her medicine and a note about when she had taken each one last.

I can't help but feel I was so cool in the situation because I wasn't all there. I hadn't slept well, and my chest was burning, and I didn't have many extra resources to expend freaking out.

But then again, in retrospect, the situation wasn't that stressful for me, and I knew what to do.

I feel capable. I think my whole working life, I've waited to feel capable. I've never done anything long enough to feel so capable. But now I'm reaching a point where I do have enough experience that I can handle unexpected things that come up. It's an awesome, awesome feeling. And it's so gratifying to be able to see how far I've come, and how I've improved.

Call me the vacuum whisperer

After a month of not blogging, this is what I blog about? All this school work is killing my creativity.

I wonder if there's more money in vacuum repair, because I don't even need to go to trade school to do that. I've taken apart every vacuum I've ever owned, pulled things out, readjusted things, put them back together (only several times with bits of hardware still sitting on the floor afterwards), and kept on vacuuming.

Two times my current vac has stopped suctioning, and I've dismantled it to see why. Once, a huge clog was stopping air flow from the hose, and this time, a belt had melted around the bottom brush. A little duct tape repaired that easily, but it turns out that duct tape melts pretty easily and smells like a potential fire hazard, and besides, Target sells the replacement belts for cheap.

It makes me feel a sense of accomplishment to be able to fix things. My brain just seems to fit well around figuring out parts and knowing how to fix them. When I was a kid, the first thing I took apart was an old 8-track tape player. Of course, back then it wasn't about fixing, but just seeing the innards that used to make it run. Next was a broken stereo.

I think I missed something, not working with my hands. It's harder to feel definatively like you've "fixed" a person. The successes aren't always so clear and tangible. I know I'm doing what I should be doing, but there always feels like more I could do, if I had a day or two more in the week.

Content

Katie and Hannah came over for brunch this morning, and it was just lovely. Good food (roasted garlic and red pepper quiche, and raspberry cream cheese coffeecake), good friends, good weather (68 and sunny!) . . . There is nothing better.

Tim and I decided we couldn't do as much entertaining as we used to in Alabama, because it got expensive (of course, I would often go overboard with it all), but I think even if we can't afford to go out to eat, we still can afford to have people over. My home is finally cozy and cute, and I love to share that.

And there's no better way to start a morning than with people you love. (Of course, an even better way to continue the day would be to lay around with them and watch cheesy teen movies, but I do have to study.)