Identity

We had a pretty interesting discussion today in my Human Behavior class, talking about culture and identity. After hearing someone mention the specific area of her home state that informed her identity quite a bit reminded me that a good portion of my own identity is based on my upbringing as a country girl, and trying to assimilate that into the city girl that I am now. So that's what I mentioned (hey, my first tattoo was even a Kansas-related one!), and wished I'd waited, because I thought of more things.

A lot of people mentioned family connection. And that's important to me, too. Tim in fact sometimes thinks it's weird that my extended family gets together so frequently (in that he's just not used to that). But my identity is also influenced by the fact that my parents both essentially left their families to strike out on their own. It's not like any other relations live in Kansas--or anywhere near by. That's a wicked streak of independence that my parents probably sometimes wish I didn't inherit.

And the thing that I reeeeally wish I had mentioned (because any other time, it would just seem like bragging) is that part of my identity is formed around social justice. My relatives are probably the reason why I am a social worker today. I am so very proud of coming from a legacy of social work, social policy, and charitable works in the name of religion. I am frankly amazed that I have a grandmother who went to grad school in the 40s, for social work. And my grandfather was one of the founders of the National Center for the Laity (a principle at the heart of which says "A critical virtue for the laity is social justice"), along with his best friend, my grandmother's brother. There really were some powerhouses in my family, and I'm so proud to be carrying on the legacy.

Man, I'm so disappointed I forgot to mention all that.

Gorey

It might have been folly to agree to do this, since I'm winding up for finals, but I'm playing piano again for Gorey Stories. At least this time around, I didn't have to do the grueling daily rehearsals for several weeks before it opened. It was more stressful this way--opening and wondering if we're going to make it through the show--but after we did, it's all cake from now on.

AND, we were picked for Critic's Choice this week! I wish the picture that was in the paper was also online, but it's just the review. And despite the fact that it does not have a string quartet but a string trio and a piano (one of its integral parts, in my opinion!), the review is pretty awesome.

Two scenes are online at YouTube, recorded in 2003. The visual quality isn't great, but the audio is. The Insect God and The Gilded Bat. (Which made me discover that the Mystery! opening credits is also online in several incarnations!)

Then, and now

This has been stewing in my brain for a while. A few months, really, since I started school and really got absorbed back into Chicago.

This time it's different. I've started to distinguish my Chicago lives as in Single Chicago and Married Chicago, and while that's not necessarily always the best descriptor, it is mostly apt. There was an excitement, an unpredictability, a wildness to Single Chicago. I was discovering everything for the first time. I don't know if I expected to pick up where I left off by moving back.

I'm seeing a whole new part of the city now. A part that feels old and settled, and not so flighty. More real. For one, I live further in the city than I used to. School takes me to an area I've never been, as well as my internship on the south side, and my school tutoring, on the west side. These areas and existences are so far removed from the (it seems like, now) priviledged life I used to have.

Sometimes I miss the constant rapture, the moments where I absolutely lose my breath over the fact that I live in Chicago. It feels more solid in my bones. Not something I even think about anymore.

And I think about what I used to love about the city, and most of it revolved around a life I don't have anymore. One that I can't afford to have anymore. It gives me a different perspective, not having money to do the things I used to. But really, I used to have the money to do whatever I wanted, and now I just have the money to do what I need to do.

I don't think Married is any better than Single, or vice versa. Just different.

Meme from Lesley

And Hannah and Jen.

1. List two things that are true of you that are not stereotypically true of members of some group that you belong to.

I think if someone wants to commit suicide, they have the right to, and it's not always my place to talk them out of it.
I don't give money during NPR pledge drives. I change the channel instead.

2. List two unusual talents that you have.

I can fix vacuums
I can whistle at an ear-piercing volume

3. List two unusual weaknesses that you have.

I never think anyone wants to really be friends with me
I still can't watch scary movies

4. List two unusual things that you aspire to.
I want to be a lounge singer like Mary Steenburgen in The Butcher's Wife
I want to someday walk a red carpet because Tim is a famous actor

5. List two words that you use more than most people do.
"So anyway . . ."

6. List two foods that you dislike and most other people like.
Mushrooms
Banana-flavored anything

7. List two strange habits that you have.
Any time I am around adhesive papers (like a sticker sheet, or a page of stamps, or a FedEx package), I have to take all the excess off, like the edges of the sheets, and put them on the back of my left hand. Maybe this is only strange because I am occasionally allergic to adhesives.
I like to drink soda from a straw, not sip it. And I like to squeeze the straw shut so it's hard to suck the liquid through.