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There’s something about Sunday night
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Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Four years

Today is the four-year anniversary of when Tim and I got together for good. I am not bored yet. I am vaguely surprised by this, but not. I just never anticipated loving someone for this long.

I know it's not that long in general. But for me, it is.

Four years ago, I needed some comfort, some change, and he was there and a good friend. And then about a week after that, I woke up in the morning and couldn't see for the stars in my eyes. Just like that. I went to bed, glad he was my friend, and woke up so crazy in love that I couldn't stop smiling for about four months. I just remember that time as a haze--just existing for and within that circle of our love. Things change as time goes on, though I do still sometimes miss that first heady rush of infatuation. But I wonder if maybe the solidity of our life together now is even better. I just love being so certain and never doubting. When I think about us not being together, it's because we're old folks and one of us is not around, not because we decided we needed to separate.

Though of course we've decided that we have to die at the same time. I don't think I could live without him.

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Tuesday, February 20, 2007

I Am Very Healthy

I had my follow-up visit with the doctor yesterday. I think I love him.

I have had such bad experiences with doctors in my life that I am always so surprised when I get a good one, one who actually takes some time to explain things to me.

This one said not to worry about the cholesterol number, that it's partly so high because my good numbers are high. To keep doing what I've been doing, eating healthy and exercising. Also, he promoted alcohol on a regular basis.

Now I know it's common knowledge that red wine is so very healthy for you, in regular moderation, but I've never had a doctor actually push the consumption of alcohol.

He had some risk assessment that he did on me, calculating several variables including my test scores, and it turns out I have a less than 1% chance of having a heart attack in the next ten years, so in other words, I Am Very Healthy. Whew.

Speaking of wine, I've been trying to have a glass every night, but it's a struggle because finding a good cheap wine is a crap shoot, and the tastier stuff just isn't cost-effective (particularly when it spoils after a day. I'm fairly certain drinking a whole bottle in one evening negates the healthful effects.). So saying I was overjoyed to find a suitable wine is not even an understatement.


A red version Katie and Chris served at their wedding, and Tim and I served the sauvignon blanc. We opened a bottle of the cab/merlot last week, and it lasted for at least five days before it became undrinkable! And the magnum is only $6.50 at CostCo, $6.99 at Tim's favorite discount liquor store! What an amazing deal.

This is how the website describes it: "Ruby-like, bright in color. Fruit forward with red plum and varietal characteristics. Medium dry, medium body and harmonious with a good finish This wine marries two of the classic Bordeaux grape varieties: Cabernet Sauvignon offers character, complexity and longevity, while Merlot adds softer tannins and elegance. Patterned after the same classic blend that distinguishes many fine chateaux of Bordeaux, this superb red wine complements the heartiest foods, especially red meats, barbeque, savory pasta dishes, and pizza."

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School and stuff

I haven't been contributing much to class lately. My classmate S and I were discussing the general lack of good conversation and insight overall in our program, and so I resolved to speak up. I didn't say anything ground-breaking, but I think I raised a few good points yesterday. Once, I was asking for clarity on something the professor said, but instead of just asking what she meant, I explained why I was confused from a historical perspective, and asked how that meshed with her statement. (Yes, very deep. ha!) I don't think she understood where I was coming from, but I didn't feel like pursuing it, so I just nodded at her answer and said, "fine."

Afterwards everyone gathered with their project groups, and S and J (in my group) both said, "I knew that look!" Evidently they could tell by my response and my face that I was unsatisfied by the professor's response but was trying to politely hide that.

It warmed me to the cockles of my heart that they knew me well enough to pick up on that. I have friends!

In addition, there is another classmate in our group who is super cool but suffering the aftereffects of being friends with a superbitch last semester. Now that the bitch is gone, the rest of the class has embraced her. I made an effort to strike up a conversation with her several times during the day, and once she did with me, complimenting my hair.

It's like How to Make Friends 101. It's really pretty funny to recognize exactly what's going on, but it's also awesome to see someone making an effort for me.

I had forgotten that last semester I slipped into a little depression, and I feel it happening again. There's just SO MUCH insecurity that blankets me in mostly all I do involving school. The internship has ceased to be the joy of my existence and has become something highly stressful. I'm in the midst of finding a new placement for next year, and as I talk myself up, writing in cover letters that I excel at working from trauma-informed perspective, I wonder still why anyone would give me a hard-core therapy internship. How could I possibly be a therapist? I am abjectly terrified of it, yet I couldn't bear to try anything else next year. I must get a therapy placement.

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Sunday, February 11, 2007

Skyline

This week, coming home on the train earlier than usual, I caught the sunset by the time I got to my stop. Some of the glass-faced buildings downtown were glowing reddish gold. They looked like they were aflame.

My el runs straight downtown, so I have a perfect view of the tracks running into downtown. After I got off the train, I waited until all the other passengers had gone down the stairs, and I stood by the rail and gazed at the city.

I felt a rekindling of my previous love affair with the city, and it made me happy.

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Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Vicarious sugar rush

My class wants to have a Valentine's Day party next week, and since we have a frivolous influence on our Policy teacher (a breath of fresh air compared to other classes, apparently), we will. One of my classmates requested my White Russian cupcakes, then I started daydreaming about other options.

Thinking about what I'm going to cook is almost the best part. I've decided on also making Samoas and Mexican Hot Chocolate cupcakes. I only found drink recipes online, so I guess I'm going to just wing it, using the old-fashioned chocolate cupcake recipe from Cupcake Bakeshop as a base (with darrrrk chocolate, of course!).

I was toying with the idea of using that cupcake recipe to create my own: raspberry curd filling with a milk chocolate cream cheese frosting, but Tim made a throw-up face at that, so I'm not trying it now. (Anyone think raspberry curd would be a good complement to a chocolate cream cheese frosting? I think so-ish. I am not certain.) I don't think I'll actually partake in these cupcakes, so I want to make ones that others will enjoy.

Getting to feed people and make them happy really is the best part. I think I'm actually not so much a chocolate (or sugar) junkie as I am a cooking junkie. Throughout this new eating-healthy business, I haven't really missed sweets much.

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Thursday, February 01, 2007

New addiction

It's really not been as hard as I expected, giving up cheese. I still eat it in wee amounts (to avoid illness brought on by guilt), like a sprinkling of feta on my leftover lentil soup I ate this evening, or the not-as-cheesy-as-usual nachoes I made in a pinch for dinner a few days ago because we were starved and hadn't planned a real dinner. Even still, my habit of coming home for a cheese and crackers snack was surprisingly easy to move past.

Because I found something new to fixate upon. Last week I was grocery shopping, in the cereal aisle to find some generic shredded wheat for Tim, and came across the toasted oooooats. Ah, generic Cheerios! It was kind of a splurge, because the generic isn't that much cheaper than name brand, but still, I wanted some.

And now I've eaten them every day for the past week. They're a good substitute for pre-dinner, "I have low blood sugar" snacking, and with frozen blueberries, just about the most perfect dessert I can think of lately (seriously!), as well as a good "I can't go to bed hungry" snack. I look forward to my daily bowl in a way I haven't ever done before (well, except for cheese, but that wasn't so much a treat as an entitlement).

Though a doctor once told me Cheerios spike your insulin more than some breakfast cereals (I think he was advocating Special K or something), I still feel like it's pretty healthy, and with blueberries and fat-free milk, my body wins like three times over. Good deal.

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Green things

I can't bear to let go of green things. I rescued a tall straggly palm-like plant from my in-laws' trash bin. It was leaning over on its muddy roots, and probably had suffered a freeze, but the leaves still had some green, and I couldn't just leave it there. I put in a yogurt container and now it's thriving in my kitchen window. There is also an old, gnarled rosemary plant that we've carted across the country and back, and it finally suffered a freeze in Chicago. We keep it around because periodically, we'll see microscopically tiny, bright green shoots in the bends of what looks only like dead root. The brown, dusty stems now shelter a buried garlic bulb that started sprouting, and, yep, we couldn't bear to throw out.

Every time we move, invariably my beloved elephant begonia (that huge, gorgeous baby on the right) loses a few arms, and I reroot them to start new plants.


And, sadly, it has endured so many moves and clippings that it's about half that size now. But it lives on in many incarnations!

So I'm in agony right now trying to figure out what to do with this stupid pointsettia that my mother-in-law passed on to me after Christmas. I don't want it in the house because, well, Fergus eats just about anything he can wrap his jaws around then throws it up later, and I don't want those leaves to wreak havoc on his delicate guts. But I can't seem to put it out with the trash. Right now the leaves are drying up and falling off, and I sweep them up, and continue waffling on what to do with it. I suppose it will sit on the kitchen counter, getting in my way every day, until I figure that out.

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